We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
