i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
