I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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