I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
