i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
