I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
