I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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