Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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