yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
