I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
