I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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