Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
