That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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