This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
