He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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