just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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