is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
