Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
