the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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