Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
