Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
