I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
two words...techno handjob
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
