im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
worst night to have a conscience
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
