Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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