Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
