So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
