I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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