whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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