dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
