He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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