He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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