needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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