I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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