As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
