Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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