We won't sleep together?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
