I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
this beer tastes like vomit already
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
