Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
