you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I deserve this hangover.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
