dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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