god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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