There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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