1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
