i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
