you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
