we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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