Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
