Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
