there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
