Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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