from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
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