He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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