I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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