you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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