My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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