do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
